A Love Without The Feels


I’ve avoided writing this post for a while now. Maybe because I’m petrified of falling in love.

Or maybe it’s because I’m selfish.

There. I said it.

Somewhere in my twenty-somethings I remember falling in love. Like a hard, full-grown dog, kind of love.

The things I felt. The way he looked at me. The potential I saw in him. It all played in this whirlwind of infatuation that drove me absolutely wild.

I can’t tell you exactly what happened next. But somewhere between then and now – I fell out of love. He gained weight. He was in and out of jobs. He hurt me in ways I never thought he would.

So naturally, the feelings I once felt, began to disappear. The butterflies I would get whenever I received the “Hey bighead” texts – had died down.  I couldn’t look at him the same anymore.

Then the day finally came.

I decided I no longer loved him.

I was too hurt to keep going. I was too tired to hold on. And worst of all, I stopped praying for him because my feelings now contradicted everything I thought love was.

Let’s rewind.

Remember Jack and Rose from Titanic? The ones that set the standard for the hashtag #RelationshipGoals?

Yea. That’s the kind of love I wanted.

The kind of love that I can find on a really big boat. The kind of love that plays Celine Dion in the background. The kind of love where you can go through incompatible conflict and get it resolved in 3 hours and 14 minutes.

Silly me.

Social media, love songs, and film has made our love impatient. It has made it selfish. It has made it impossible. We link love to the emotional impulses we see on TV.  So when our neighbor’s shortcomings consist of things like insecurity, jealousy, porn addiction, or anything else that’s too raw to show on TV – we throw in the towel. And Christ’s command to love our neighbors, no longer applies to us.

Love, in it’s rawest form, is sacrificial. It has little or nothing to do with emotional impulse. So when your husband is cranky and your kids are acting wild or when the one kid in your youth group no longer wants to attend – love still needs to be the driving force.

Christ’s set the bar high when it comes to loving others.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another. Even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

John 13:34

He puts emotions, attraction, and feelings to the side – and loves us enough to meet our need to the point of self-sacrifice. His love has nothing to do with chemistry, impulse or sex.  It has everything to do with humility and laying down His wants, His life – for his friends.

Be sure to check out my devotional video below!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *