When I was 17 years old (maybe 18) I heard a song called “Small Bump” by Ed Sheeran.
When the song would come on the radio, I would just change it. It didn’t resonate with me.
Well, a few weeks ago, someone sent that song to me with the caption “this made me think of you” and I cried silently at my desk at work because for the first time – I finally felt every word of the song.
Did you know that 1 in 4 women will experience miscarriage or pregnancy loss?
Yeah, neither did I – until it happened to me.
On October 12th 2015 I found out I was pregnant. My husband was at work and I was losing my mind. I had never intended on having children. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw those two little pink lines that day. [Insert ugly crying here]
Months went on and while I found myself very excited, I also became concerned at my ability to be a mother. However, in early 2016 I found a sense of peace in my future. I trusted God in what he had planned for me.
I was finally ready to be a mother.
Let’s fast forward.
February 9th. I was 25 weeks pregnant.
I just got home from a job interview. But something was off. I hadn’t felt the baby move for a while now.
My husband was at work and I was driving myself insane thinking the absolute worst. So I called my doctor and I asked them if I could come in for an emergency ultrasound.
Everything after that is kind of a blur. Almost like it was someone else living that life.
They did an ultrasound and confirmed there was no heartbeat.
They moved me to Labor & Delivery and for the next 30 hours.
I delivered my daughter.
Shortly after, I remember someone telling me that losing a child is hard, but to go on with life is even harder.
Life seemed dull, and there were some days when I really questioned my ability to keep living. I would look my husband straight in his eyes and tell him I was fine, and then later would sit weighing the pros and cons of life.
Then Mother’s day happened.
I woke up with a pit in my stomach and I didn’t even want to be around anybody. Difficult isn’t even the word. However, I decided to use this day to share my experience on my Facebook page.
Then something amazing happened.
My inbox was flooded with women telling me their stories. I didn’t know how common this horrible thing was, but once I found out I was so comforted knowing that I wasn’t alone. Knowing that there was someone out there who went through this same thing.
Since then, I have been sharing my story with anyone who will listen.
Of course it’s an uncomfortable topic, but it is all too common for us to not talk about. I firmly believe that God put me through that gut-wrenching experience to be a light for other women, and I do not intend on wasting that.
1 in 4 women experience miscarriage or pregnancy loss – that is a statistic that is far too high for such little exposure. So I’m here to expose it.
Let’s start a conversation; it’s up to us to break the silence.
– Hannah Colina