So you went from “Good morning beautiful” to left on read at 4:54pm, huh?
Let’s talk ghosting.
The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
Maybe it didn’t happen to you in a relationship. Maybe it was a business or a friendship. But you had all your eggs in the basket only to find out that the person you trusted disappears leaving you SUPER confused and hyper-analytical.
And our need for closure DRIVES. US. INSANE. We need to know the whys. We can’t end on hypotheticals. There is a need for a concrete answers in order for us to move on.
Sis, the reality is, you can’t control the massacre going on inside a man’s brain. If they, for whatever reason, decide to “ghost” you – you really can’t control someone’s thoughts, vices, or coping mechanisms. If this is the way they handle things – they need to experience a particular kind of brokenness that comes through specific trials- without you.
You’re initial reaction might be to blow up their phone because it makes no sense. I mean, if they cared about you as much as they said they did – there’s no way that they’d leave you hangin’ right?
Studies show that people who have “ghosting” tendencies – are mentally clocked out long before they physically leave.
There can be plenty of reasons for this.
Maybe he can’t continue what you guys were building. Maybe something he stated previously completely contradicts what was really going on. Maybe his pride is stopping him from admitting he was wrong. Maybe he’s reached his limits.
Whatever it is – there is something inside of him that is making him run from the truth and convincing him that it’s easier to walk away than to look you in the eye and explain the reality.
Think about it, sis.
Remember how you used to react when your mom caught you in a lie when you were younger? You were squirm-ish. You didn’t make eye contact. You stuttered. You pretended you were sleeping.
If that habit wasn’t corrected as a child, it will only transfer to the adult form.
Here’s my advice to you:
If he’s playing ghost – play along. It’s time for you to start loving yourself the way God intended you to love you. Mark 12 reminds us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves- but in reality, sometimes we often love ourselves less than this. It’s easy for a certain masochism to occur as we blame ourselves for the reason he left.
Because when we can’t find the answer outside – we search inside.
I know the “what ifs” are probably killing you right now. You want to know what happened. Trust me, I understand. But if you let it, what seems like a simple “what if”, can consume all of your time and energy leaving you drained, discouraged, and emptier than before.
Ask yourself: is this something that you really want to deal with once you say “til death do us part”? If he decides to come back- do you really win? Is “ghosting” on the list of quality characteristics you have for your future husband?
Sometimes rejection is a form of God’s protection. You were able to see this guy’s true colors before you got into a situation where you really needed him.
And as much as it might hurt now, who knows what it was saving you from in the future.
Praying for you,