My name is Keziah Theophane-Remy and I would like to start off by thanking God for the opportunity to share this experience with the world . I would also like to thank you Graciela for allowing me to be a guest on LBC.
I remember sitting in class and listening to a lecture on Kubler Ross’s five stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. The framework or model for feelings associated with death and bereavement. At almost 20 years old I had never truly experienced profound loss and it was never something that I paid much attention to.
But on September 21st 2017 this changed.
My mother-in-law had been dealing with ovarian cancer. I was at work when I received the call from my husband that my mother-in-law was no longer with us.
My initial reaction was not much of a reaction at all. I was in complete disbelief and unwilling to accept that she was really gone. I kept thinking about the intangible things; like the fact that I didn’t get to say goodbye or how we would never get to have that milkshake when I got home.
But as denial began to fade anger started setting it. I became angry; angry with God for allowing it to happen. How dare He? We followed the rules. We followed His Word. Friends, and family relentlessly joined together to ask God for healing; more than two and three gathered together and He wasn’t there. She was gone.
How could this happen? Why did this happen? We begged you to save her why didn’t you!
These questions continued to replay in my head until my prayers became more like interrogations than actual conversations with God. When the reality set it, I knew the answers wouldn’t change what had already happened.
So I became silent.
Mathew 5:4 says, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” But I didn’t feel blessed. And I definitely didn’t feel comforted. My mother-in-law was gone. And the physical permanence of it became a reality. What we feel as the living left behind; the absence of that person who formed such an integral part of your life.
But God is ever present even when we go astray Jesus comes to lead us home. Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
What was my need? Grace.
The word grace in Hebrew Charis in Greek literally means favour. Grace can be defined as God’s favour towards the unworthy or God’s benevolence on the undeserving. 2 Corinthians 12 explains that in the midst of Paul’s suffering, God’s grace was sufficient.
My feelings of anger were replaced by the relief that she was no longer suffering and that she is in the best place now. I lost my mother in law but my husband lost his mother. I will not deny that I think of her often and I was not prepared to see her gone but I cannot question the all-knowing power of God. Losing someone you love is not easy but trust that with God it will get easier and with the power of his grace you will be just fine.